82 lines
2.1 KiB
Markdown
82 lines
2.1 KiB
Markdown
|
---
|
||
|
title: Died to Save Me
|
||
|
date: 2018-08-27
|
||
|
for: Sam
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
# Died to Save Me
|
||
|
|
||
|
People often get confused
|
||
|
when I mention the fact that I
|
||
|
consider myself before I
|
||
|
came out a different person.
|
||
|
|
||
|
It's because that was a different person,
|
||
|
they died to save me.
|
||
|
|
||
|
The person I was did their
|
||
|
best given the circumstances
|
||
|
they were thrown into. It was
|
||
|
hard for them. I'm still working
|
||
|
off some of their baggage.
|
||
|
|
||
|
But, that different person,
|
||
|
even after all of the hardships
|
||
|
and triumphs they had been through,
|
||
|
they died to save me.
|
||
|
|
||
|
They were an extrovert pushed into
|
||
|
being an introvert by an uncaring
|
||
|
community.
|
||
|
They were the pariah.
|
||
|
They were the person who got bullied.
|
||
|
They survived years of torment but
|
||
|
they died to save me.
|
||
|
|
||
|
I understand now why the Gods
|
||
|
prefer to use shaman-sickness to
|
||
|
help people realize their calling.
|
||
|
It is such an elegant teacher of
|
||
|
the Divine. So patient. So forgiving.
|
||
|
|
||
|
It's impossible to ignore everything
|
||
|
around you feeling incomprehensibly crazy,
|
||
|
because it is.
|
||
|
Our system is crazy.
|
||
|
Our system is incomprehensible.
|
||
|
We only "like" it because we have no
|
||
|
way to fathom anything else.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Awakening" is probably one of the
|
||
|
least bad metaphors to describe the
|
||
|
feeling of just suddenly understanding
|
||
|
the barriers. Of seeing the formerly
|
||
|
invisible glass prison walls we apparently
|
||
|
live inside unknowingly.
|
||
|
|
||
|
It's not just an awakening though,
|
||
|
Not all of me made it through the process.
|
||
|
Not all of what constitutes yourself
|
||
|
(in your opinion) is actually a True
|
||
|
part of you. Not all your thoughts,
|
||
|
memories, ideas, dreams, wishes
|
||
|
and even fears or anxieties are
|
||
|
truly yours.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Sometimes there's that part that
|
||
|
really does have to die to save you.
|
||
|
The part that was once a shining beacon
|
||
|
of hope that has now fallen beyond disrepair.
|
||
|
A thread of connection to a past that
|
||
|
can never come to pass again.
|
||
|
Memories or experiences of pain,
|
||
|
trauma. It can die to save you too.
|
||
|
|
||
|
You don't have to carry
|
||
|
the mountains you come across,
|
||
|
you can just climb them.
|
||
|
|
||
|
When it dies, it is gone, but:
|
||
|
you can sleep easier knowing
|
||
|
they died to save you.
|