diff --git a/blog/died-to-save-me-2018-08-27.markdown b/blog/died-to-save-me-2018-08-27.markdown new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8411758 --- /dev/null +++ b/blog/died-to-save-me-2018-08-27.markdown @@ -0,0 +1,81 @@ +--- +title: Died to Save Me +date: 2018-08-27 +for: Sam +--- + +# Died to Save Me + +People often get confused +when I mention the fact that I +consider myself before I +came out a different person. + +It's because that was a different person, +they died to save me. + +The person I was did their +best given the circumstances +they were thrown into. It was +hard for them. I'm still working +off some of their baggage. + +But, that different person, +even after all of the hardships +and triumphs they had been through, +they died to save me. + +They were an extrovert pushed into +being an introvert by an uncaring +community. +They were the pariah. +They were the person who got bullied. +They survived years of torment but +they died to save me. + +I understand now why the Gods +prefer to use shaman-sickness to +help people realize their calling. +It is such an elegant teacher of +the Divine. So patient. So forgiving. + +It's impossible to ignore everything +around you feeling incomprehensibly crazy, +because it is. +Our system is crazy. +Our system is incomprehensible. +We only "like" it because we have no +way to fathom anything else. + +"Awakening" is probably one of the +least bad metaphors to describe the +feeling of just suddenly understanding +the barriers. Of seeing the formerly +invisible glass prison walls we apparently +live inside unknowingly. + +It's not just an awakening though, +Not all of me made it through the process. +Not all of what constitutes yourself +(in your opinion) is actually a True +part of you. Not all your thoughts, +memories, ideas, dreams, wishes +and even fears or anxieties are +truly yours. + +Sometimes there's that part that +really does have to die to save you. +The part that was once a shining beacon +of hope that has now fallen beyond disrepair. +A thread of connection to a past that +can never come to pass again. +Memories or experiences of pain, +trauma. It can die to save you too. + +You don't have to carry +the mountains you come across, +you can just climb them. + +When it dies, it is gone, but: +you can sleep easier knowing +they died to save you.