---
title: The Itch
date: 2020-10-11
tags:
 - 100DaysToOffload
---

# The Itch

I write a lot. I code a lot. This leads to people asking me questions like "how
do you have the energy to do that?" or "why do you keep doing that day in and
day out?". I was reading [this
post](https://aarontag.dev/2020/06/14/the-urge.html) that I found linked in the
Forbidden Orange Site's comments and it really resonated with me.

At the core, I have this deep burning sensation to try things out to see what
they are like. It's like this itch deep in me that I can only scratch with
writing, coding or sometimes even just answering people's questions in
chatrooms. This itch is a catalyst to my productivity. It powers my daily work
and makes me able to do what I do in order to make things better for everyone.

However, sometimes the itch isn't there. Sometimes it makes me want to focus on
something else. Trying to do something else without the itch empowering me can
feel like swimming upstream with heavy chains wrapped around me. My greatest
boon is simultaneously my greatest vice. 

I don't really know how to handle the days where it's not working. I try to save
up my sick and vacation days so that I can avoid burning myself out on the bad
days. Things like this are why I am a huge fan of unlimited vacation policies.
Unlimited vacation does mean that I get paid out less money when I leave a job;
however it means that I have the freedom to have bad days and let the good days
tank me through the bad days so that I come out above average.

Trying to explain this to people can feel stressful. Especially to a manager.
I've had some bad experiences with that in the past. Phrase this wrong, and some
people will hear "I don't want to do this work ever" instead of "I can't do this
work today". This especially sucks when deadlines roll in and that vital itch
goes away, leaving me at half capacity at the worst possible time. 

This itch leads me to set increasing standards on myself too. It's had some
negative sides in that it makes me feel like I need to make everything better
than the last thing. Each post better than the previous ones. Each project
implementation better than the last. Onwards and onwards into a spiral that sets
the bar so high I stress myself out trying to approach it.

I haven't kept to my informal goal to have at least one post per week on this
blog because of that absurdly high standard I set for myself. I'm going to try
and change this. I'm going to start participating in [100 days to
offload](https://100daystooffload.com). Expect some shorter and more focused
posts for the immediate future. I am going to be working on the Rust series,
however each part of it will be in isolation from here on out instead of the
longer multifaceted posts.

This is day 1 of my 100 days to offload.

Also be sure to check out my post on
[Palisade](https://tech.lightspeedhq.com/palisade-version-bumping-at-scale-in-ci/),
a version bumping tool for GitHub repositories.
