273 lines
9.3 KiB
Plaintext
273 lines
9.3 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
||
|
|
The Tao of Internet Relay Chat
|
||
|
|
Copyright (C) Ove Ruben R Olsen 1994
|
||
|
|
Version of 940110
|
||
|
|
Contributing masters: Master ScottM
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
Something is formed by the electrons, born in the silent cable. Shaping
|
||
|
|
and growing and ungrowing. It is there yet not there. It is the source of
|
||
|
|
Internet Relay Chat. I do not know the name, thus I will call it the Tao
|
||
|
|
of Internet Relay Chat.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
If the Tao is great, then the IRC is running ceaselessly. If the IRC is
|
||
|
|
great then the server is running without ever stoping. If the server is
|
||
|
|
great then the client will always be the server. The luser is then pleased
|
||
|
|
and there is Chat in the world.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The Tao of IRC squits far away and connects on returning.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The genetic potential of birth, a lot to know, yet unknown.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
In the begining there was nothing.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Out of nothing the Tao gave birth to tolsun.oulu.fi. tolsun gave birth to
|
||
|
|
OuluBox.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
OuluBox gave birth to rmsg.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
rmsg was not Tao, so MUT gave birth to IRC.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
No one knows when IRC came into existance, the mighty master WiZ have it
|
||
|
|
to be at the end of the eight month in the year of the Dragon.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
Each channel has its purpose, however humble. Each channel is the Yin and
|
||
|
|
Yang of IRC. Each channels has it's place within the IRC.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
In the beginning there was only channel 0, thus channel 0 is the soil of
|
||
|
|
IRC.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Channel 1 to channel 10 then was open as the sea. Channel 11 to 999 was the
|
||
|
|
trees and forests of IRC. Channels above 999 should not be mentioned, and
|
||
|
|
channels below 0 were unborn and contained many secrets.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This was not the right Tao, so IRC gave birth to +channels.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
+channels had the yin and yang. Mode does not.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This was not the right Tao still, so IRC gave birth to #channels.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
#channels have the yin and yang.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Only channel 0 is the right path to Tao, but avoid speaking on channel 0.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
There was a great dispute among the Broom-Walkers of the Relay. Some of them
|
||
|
|
wanted neither yin nor yang. Out of this Eris came into existance. Some of the
|
||
|
|
Broom-Walkers then created Eris Free-net.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This was the right Tao.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Kind Gentle and Boring Net was another wrong path to the Tao of Internet Relay
|
||
|
|
Chat.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Some time later there was a quantity of some lusers who wanted to be
|
||
|
|
Broom-Walkers also. The Eris Free Broom-Walkers did not agree with them,
|
||
|
|
thus a new IRC was born. This IRC is called the Undernet.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
But this is not the right Tao, either.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
There will always be disputes among the Broom-Walkers of Internet Relay Chat.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This is the very nature of the IRC.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
Lusers that do not understand the Tao is always using the yang of Mode on
|
||
|
|
their channels. Lusers that do understand the Tao are always using Ignore
|
||
|
|
on their channels.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
How could this not be so ?
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The wise sage luser is told about the Chat and uses it. The luser is told
|
||
|
|
about the IRC and is looking for it. The flock are told about the Tao and
|
||
|
|
make a fool of the IRC.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
If there was no laughter, there would be no Tao.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The master says:
|
||
|
|
"Without the Tao of Internet Relay Chat, life becomes meaningless."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The Relay of the old time was mysterious and sacred. We can neither imagine
|
||
|
|
its thoughts nor path; we are left but to describe.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The sage luser must be aware like a frog crossing the highway.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The great master Wumpus once dreamed that he was an automaton. When he awoke
|
||
|
|
he exclaimed:
|
||
|
|
"I don't know whether I am Wumpus dreaming that I am a client,
|
||
|
|
or a client dreaming that I am Wumpus!"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
So was the first Automata born.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The master Nap then said:
|
||
|
|
"Any automata should not speak unless spoken to.
|
||
|
|
Any automata shall only whisper when spoken to."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Thus replied the master Gnarfer:
|
||
|
|
"The lusers shall keep in mind that a automata can be either good or
|
||
|
|
bad. Create good automata, and the IRC will hail you and you will
|
||
|
|
gain fame and fortune. Create bad automata and people will start to
|
||
|
|
hate you, and finaly you will be /KILLed to ethernal damnation"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Many lusers have fallen into the clutches of ethernal damnation. They where
|
||
|
|
not following the Tao.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
There once was a luser who went to #BotSex. Each day he saw the automatons.
|
||
|
|
The luser decided that he also would have such a automata.
|
||
|
|
He asked another luser for his automata. The other luser gave his automata
|
||
|
|
away.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The luser was not within the Tao, so he just started the automata. The automata
|
||
|
|
had only Yang inside so all the lusers files where deleted.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Some moons laither the same luser then had become a sage luser, and did create
|
||
|
|
his automata from the very grounds with materials found inside the IRC.
|
||
|
|
The luser was now within the Tao and his automata lived happily ever after.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
There once was a master who wrote automatons without the help of master Phone.
|
||
|
|
A novice luser, seeking to imitate him, began with the help of master Phone.
|
||
|
|
When the novice luser asked the master to evaluate his automata the master
|
||
|
|
replied: "What is a working automata for the master is not for the luser.
|
||
|
|
You must must BE the IRC before automating."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
Master BigCheese gave birth to master Troy; his duty clear. Master Troy gave
|
||
|
|
birth to master Phone, for the Tao of Irc must be eternal and must flow as the
|
||
|
|
ceaseless river of Time itself.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
Master Phone once said about the ircII client:
|
||
|
|
"public_msg is for a message from someone NOT on the channel
|
||
|
|
public_other is for a message on a channel that doesn't belong to
|
||
|
|
a window. public is for a message on a channel that belongs to a
|
||
|
|
window!"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Out of this raised the mighty chaos.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The sage luser came to the master who wrote automata without the help of
|
||
|
|
master Phone. The sage luser asked the master who wrote automata: "Which is
|
||
|
|
easiest to make. A automata with the help of master Phone or an automata
|
||
|
|
made with the help of a language ?"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The master who wrote automata then replied:
|
||
|
|
"With the help of a language."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The sage luser was disapointed and exclaimed: "But, with master Phone you
|
||
|
|
do not need to know anything about the soil of IRC. Is not that the easiet
|
||
|
|
way ?"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"Not really" said the master who wrote automata, "when using master Phone
|
||
|
|
you are closed inside a box. For sure, it is a great box for the lusers,
|
||
|
|
but the master will need more power, thus a language is the only path to go.
|
||
|
|
With the language the master will never have to limit himself. When using
|
||
|
|
such a language the master will seek the best between the need and the
|
||
|
|
availibility."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"I see", said the sage luser.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This is the essence of Tao of IRC automatas.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
A client should be light and be used for communication. The spirit of a good
|
||
|
|
client is that it should be very convinient for the luser to use, but hard
|
||
|
|
for the luser who want to create automata.
|
||
|
|
There should never ever be too many functions or too few functions.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
There should always be a ignore.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Without ignore the client is not within the Tao of Chating.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The client should always respond the luser with messages that will not
|
||
|
|
astnonish him too much. The server likewise. If the server does not, then it
|
||
|
|
is the clients job to explain what the server says.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
A client which fails this, will be useless and cause confusion for the lusers.
|
||
|
|
The only way to correct this is to use another client or to write a new one.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
A luser asked the masters on #IrcHelp: "My client does not work".
|
||
|
|
The masters replied: "Upgrade your client".
|
||
|
|
The luser then wondered why the master knew. The master then told him about
|
||
|
|
the Protocol.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"Your client does not work beaucse it does not understand the server. Why
|
||
|
|
should it always work ? Only a fool would expect such. But, clients are made
|
||
|
|
by humans, and humans are not perfect. Only Tao is.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The IRC is solid. The IRC is floating, and will always be dynamic. Live with
|
||
|
|
that or /quit."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The luser came to the masters of #IrcHelp, asking about the Tao of IRC within
|
||
|
|
the client.
|
||
|
|
The masters then said that the Tao of IRC always lies inside the client
|
||
|
|
regardless of how the client connects to the server.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"Is the Tao in irc ?" asked the luser.
|
||
|
|
"It so is" replied the masters of #IrcHelp.
|
||
|
|
"Is the Tao in the ircII, Kiwi, rxirc, vms, rockers and msa ?" asked the
|
||
|
|
luser.
|
||
|
|
"In all of them and in the TPC, irchat, zenirc, zircon X11-irc and even the
|
||
|
|
dos irc has the Tao" said the master quietly.
|
||
|
|
"Is the Tao in a telnet connection directly to the server ?"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
The master then was quiet for a long time and said. "Please leave, such
|
||
|
|
questions are not within the Tao of IRC".
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The master says: "Without the Protocol of TCP the messages will not travel.
|
||
|
|
Without the client, the server is useless."
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
There once was a luser who used the ircII client. "ircII can do anything I
|
||
|
|
ever need for using IRC" said the emacs client user, "I have /ON's, I have
|
||
|
|
assignments, I have aliasing. Why don't you use this instead of the huge
|
||
|
|
emacs client, which also has a messy screen?"
|
||
|
|
The emacs client user then replied by saying that "it is better to have a
|
||
|
|
scripting language that is the client instead of have a client that has
|
||
|
|
a scripting language." Upon hearing this, the ircII client luser fell silent.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
The master Wumpus said: "Time for you to leave. I did, now I'm happy."
|
||
|
|
The master Gnarfer replied: "Use, but never overuse IRC, then you will also
|
||
|
|
be happy within IRC"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
-----
|
||
|
|
A luser came unto the masters of #EU-Opers and asked, "How can I be, yet not
|
||
|
|
be, a user@host within the IRC?"
|
||
|
|
The masters of #EU-Opers replied: "To be Tao is to be ones true self. To hide
|
||
|
|
ones self is not Tao, and is not IRC, you have much to learn before you shall
|
||
|
|
be at rest within the Flow of Irc. Please leave"
|
||
|
|
|