---
title: "My Next Life as an Imaginary Bottle of Window Cleaner"
date: 2021-09-24
author: Mai
tags:
 - isekai
 - fiction
---

Today was another boring day, like all the other boring days. I was almost done
with my commute to the office, not looking forward to spending another day
working on the same spreadsheet. I don't believe in monsters, ghosts or spirits,
but I do believe that thing is haunted.

"Next stop is Broughton Junction, end of the line!"

That was my stop. I thought I got it easy by getting an apartment right next to
the train, but I never thought that my job would move so far away. I got up with
the others and walked my way to the exit of the station. The crowd was lifeless
and dead today. The usual morning rush of the station I got on the train at had
turned into a lazy slump towards the exit.

The only solace from these doldrums was the barista at the coffee shop by the
doors. She had such a lovely smile; sometimes it was the only thing that kept me
going. _I wonder what her name is_, I thought to myself as I breached the
darkness of the station and was enveloped in the light of the outside world.
Nubypool was the financial hub of the province. My work was in the Ministry of
Accounting, taming the beast that was their spreadsheets. As I walked towards
the entrance of the building I looked around, seeing the gray, drab skyscrapers
around me sully the lively deep blue above them.

I crossed the street and walked to the double doors, but then there was a noise.
I looked up and saw something falling towards me, then suddenly there was a loud
noise and everything went dark.

The darkness persisted for a while, I couldn't touch, see or hear myself. I was
alone in a silent hell with only my thoughts to break the sheer emptiness of it
all. Suddenly, it hit me. _I'm dead, aren't I? I'm never going to get that
barista's number, am I?_

A noise filled my awareness. I couldn't recognize it, but it came with a
friendly presence. It felt like my best friend, mother, and more all in one. I
felt like I knew this person intimately even though we had never spoken before.
I could pick out that there were words, but nothing usable other than that.

The words stopped after a while, and that was the saddest part of the whole
thing. I was so alone without the words, but I didn't feel like I had any
control over when they started. They started and stopped without any indication
of where or when they were coming from.

Then they started again and I knew that I needed to capitalize on this. The
voice was going to go away if I didn't do anything about it. All I could do was
think, so I decided to think as loud and hard as I could. I screamed in my mind.
I would have woke the neighbors if this was in the apartment back home. Those
thin walls would have made the entire floor wake up. I shouted and shouted like
my life depended on it. As I shouted and screamed the darkness started to gain
color. There was a small pinhole of light that expanded and filled my awareness
until it grew to everywhere I could see. _Is this reincarnation?_

As if a blindfold had been lifted, I could finally get to see myself in some
level of detail. I looked down and all I saw was a bright poster with what
looked like words on it. I looked behind me and I saw what appeared to be a
poster with more smaller words. I looked to the sides and saw what appeared to
be clear plastic with a blue liquid in it.

I started panicking. I didn't know what was going on. _Aren't I supposed to be
some kind of animal? Why am I this?_

The voice started again, a lot more clearly. I could pick out the words: "So
_that's_ why they call it a 'head pressure'! Wow I don't even know how to
describe this feeling other than that!"

I looked ahead and I saw a young boy, something like 18 years old. I was in some
kind of small apartment. There was a ritual circle of some kind, I was right in
the middle of it. Looking around there was a pentagram made out of a white and
blue powder, cards I've never seen before and a bottle of red liquid. There was
a mirror to the side of me though. I took a long and detailed look at myself.

I saw an orange nozzle look back at me. There was what appeared to be a handle
under the nozzle, looking like it was screwed on top of a bottle of...

_No, this can't be!_

It was screwed on top of a bottle of window cleaner.

"I'M A BOTTLE OF WINDOW CLEANER????"

The boy in front of me winced and grunted, my shouting must have hurt him. I
suddenly got a feeling of fear washing over me. I felt the tip of my nozzle
screw itself shut and my self-image vanished from the mirror. Had I interrupted
the ritual?

The boy composed himself and looked down at me. "So, you're the succubus I
summoned? What's wrong with you?"

"S...succubus? I'm not a succubus, I could swear that a few days ago I was...
well not this. I don't know what I am other than apparently..."

I tried to gesture at my own body but only ended up making my handle flail about
meaninglessly, spraying a bit of blue fluid out of my nozzle. It felt like it
had come out of my mouth. It had no taste initially, but it left a slightly sour
taste after a moment.

"A bottle of window cleaner??"

"...What. How did this happen?"

"Why are you asking me? You apparently summoned me. What did you expect to get?"

The boy looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Assuming I had
ears that were big enough for lobsters crawling out of them that is.

"I...what...how...okay"

There was suddenly a knock at the door. "SHIT!", the boy said to himself without
saying it. He started scrambling around and frantically trying to clean things.

He swept up the white powder and put away the playing cards, but try as he might
he couldn't grab me to put me away. His hand phased through me like I wasn't
there. He got up and let the other person in. It was a pizza delivery person.
The boy handed over some money and then took the pizza and placed it on top of a
clear spot of his desk.

I suddenly found myself on top of a metal surface. I could feel something
spinning under me and heard the soft hum of an idle fan. I had just teleported
across the room. "W..what, why am I here?"

"I didn't...know that would do anything. I thought it would be nice if you were
on top of my computer and you just appeared there." Another knock came at the
door. There was a female voice.

"Shit, play it cool."

"I don't know how I can do anything other than what I am doing now, but okay."

A woman entered the room. She appeared to be in a very skimpy outfit, showing
off her curves. She also seemed to have a pair of demonic looking wings that she
let open in the middle of the room. The boy awkwardly made conversation with her
for a while. I tried to get the boy's attention by spraying at him. I definitely
got his attention. "What're you looking at, roomie? Aren't you gonna give your
poor roomie some pizza?"

I didn't think she could see me. I tried spraying more. The boy looked over at
me angrily. "Cut it out bottle, I'll throw you out with the trash if you keep
that up!"

"What are you talking about? I'm not a bottle, I'm hungry." She walked over to
the pizza and grabbed a slice, pushing the boy into his desk. She looked dead at
me when she had her slice. I don't think she saw me. She turned around and
bumped one of her wings into the boy, causing them to fall off. "Nooo! My
costume!"

"That's what you get for wearing a succubus costume in a dorm hall."

She stuck her tongue out sarcastically at the boy and picked up her wing. "Okay
sarcasm boy, you're gonna help me get this on~. If you do I may have a fun time
planned for you~."

"I know what you're planning Mike. I'm not going to bang you. We agreed that I
wouldn't before you did this."

"No fun."

Her name is _Mike_? I thought about it and decided that it was better to leave
things be.

"Hey, dude, I don't really know what's going on. Where am I? Who am I? What am
I? Are you just gonna keep me in the dark about all of this?" I tried to direct
this to the boy with a burst of energy, spraying him to be sure I got his
attention.

He looked over at me like I was cock-blocking him. I felt myself blush and
backed off. It looks like there would be plenty of time later to get those
questions answered.

"Hey Conner, when are you going to get into your costume? Did the ritual I gave
you work?"

"Yeah...about that..."

---

Elsewhere at a random cleaning product factory, it was business as usual. The
production lines were running smoothly. The trucks of cleaner continued as
normal and every bottle was being filled at the normal rate.

A woman in a skimpy outfit suddenly appeared on the production line, causing one
of the workers to hit the "emergency stop" button. The woman had a demonic aura
about her. Her bewitching gaze stunned the factory floor. She got off the
production line and walked out of the building, with that worker in tow;
seemingly enamored with her. _This is going to be fun~_, she thought to herself.
