diff --git a/blog/best-friend-imaginary-bottle-window-cleaner-2021-09-24.markdown b/blog/best-friend-imaginary-bottle-window-cleaner-2021-09-24.markdown new file mode 100644 index 0000000..21f8147 --- /dev/null +++ b/blog/best-friend-imaginary-bottle-window-cleaner-2021-09-24.markdown @@ -0,0 +1,191 @@ +--- +title: "My Next Life as an Imaginary Bottle of Window Cleaner" +date: 2021-09-24 +author: Mai +tags: + - isekai + - fiction +--- + +Today was another boring day, like all the other boring days. I was almost done +with my commute to the office, not looking forward to spending another day +working on the same spreadsheet. I don't believe in monsters, ghosts or spirits, +but I do believe that thing is haunted. + +"Next stop is Broughton Junction, end of the line!" + +That was my stop. I thought I got it easy by getting an apartment right next to +the train, but I never thought that my job would move so far away. I got up with +the others and walked my way to the exit of the station. The crowd was lifeless +and dead today. The usual morning rush of the station I got on the train at had +turned into a lazy slump towards the exit. + +The only solace from these doldrums was the barista at the coffee shop by the +doors. She had such a lovely smile; sometimes it was the only thing that kept me +going. _I wonder what her name is_, I thought to myself as I breached the +darkness of the station and was enveloped in the light of the outside world. +Nubypool was the financial hub of the province. My work was in the Ministry of +Accounting, taming the beast that was their spreadsheets. As I walked towards +the entrance of the building I looked around, seeing the gray, drab skyscrapers +around me sully the lively deep blue above them. + +I crossed the street and walked to the double doors, but then there was a noise. +I looked up and saw something falling towards me, then suddenly there was a loud +noise and everything went dark. + +The darkness persisted for a while, I couldn't touch, see or hear myself. I was +alone in a silent hell with only my thoughts to break the sheer emptiness of it +all. Suddenly, it hit me. _I'm dead, aren't I? I'm never going to get that +barista's number, am I?_ + +A noise filled my awareness. I couldn't recognize it, but it came with a +friendly presence. It felt like my best friend, mother, and more all in one. I +felt like I knew this person intimately even though we had never spoken before. +I could pick out that there were words, but nothing usable other than that. + +The words stopped after a while, and that was the saddest part of the whole +thing. I was so alone without the words, but I didn't feel like I had any +control over when they started. They started and stopped without any indication +of where or when they were coming from. + +Then they started again and I knew that I needed to capitalize on this. The +voice was going to go away if I didn't do anything about it. All I could do was +think, so I decided to think as loud and hard as I could. I screamed in my mind. +I would have woke the neighbors if this was in the apartment back home. Those +thin walls would have made the entire floor wake up. I shouted and shouted like +my life depended on it. As I shouted and screamed the darkness started to gain +color. There was a small pinhole of light that expanded and filled my awareness +until it grew to everywhere I could see. _Is this reincarnation?_ + +As if a blindfold had been lifted, I could finally get to see myself in some +level of detail. I looked down and all I saw was a bright poster with what +looked like words on it. I looked behind me and I saw what appeared to be a +poster with more smaller words. I looked to the sides and saw what appeared to +be clear plastic with a blue liquid in it. + +I started panicking. I didn't know what was going on. _Aren't I supposed to be +some kind of animal? Why am I this?_ + +The voice started again, a lot more clearly. I could pick out the words: "So +_that's_ why they call it a 'head pressure'! Wow I don't even know how to +describe this feeling other than that!" + +I looked ahead and I saw a young boy, something like 18 years old. I was in some +kind of small apartment. There was a ritual circle of some kind, I was right in +the middle of it. Looking around there was a pentagram made out of a white and +blue powder, cards I've never seen before and a bottle of red liquid. There was +a mirror to the side of me though. I took a long and detailed look at myself. + +I saw an orange nozzle look back at me. There was what appeared to be a handle +under the nozzle, looking like it was screwed on top of a bottle of... + +_No, this can't be!_ + +It was screwed on top of a bottle of window cleaner. + +"I'M A BOTTLE OF WINDOW CLEANER????" + +The boy in front of me winced and grunted, my shouting must have hurt him. I +suddenly got a feeling of fear washing over me. I felt the tip of my nozzle +screw itself shut and my self-image vanished from the mirror. Had I interrupted +the ritual? + +The boy composed himself and looked down at me. "So, you're the succubus I +summoned? What's wrong with you?" + +"S...succubus? I'm not a succubus, I could swear that a few days ago I was... +well not this. I don't know what I am other than apparently..." + +I tried to gesture at my own body but only ended up making my handle flail about +meaninglessly, spraying a bit of blue fluid out of my nozzle. It felt like it +had come out of my mouth. It had no taste initially, but it left a slightly sour +taste after a moment. + +"A bottle of window cleaner??" + +"...What. How did this happen?" + +"Why are you asking me? You apparently summoned me. What did you expect to get?" + +The boy looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Assuming I had +ears that were big enough for lobsters crawling out of them that is. + +"I...what...how...okay" + +There was suddenly a knock at the door. "SHIT!", the boy said to himself without +saying it. He started scrambling around and frantically trying to clean things. + +He swept up the white powder and put away the playing cards, but try as he might +he couldn't grab me to put me away. His hand phased through me like I wasn't +there. He got up and let the other person in. It was a pizza delivery person. +The boy handed over some money and then took the pizza and placed it on top of a +clear spot of his desk. + +I suddenly found myself on top of a metal surface. I could feel something +spinning under me and heard the soft hum of an idle fan. I had just teleported +across the room. "W..what, why am I here?" + +"I didn't...know that would do anything. I thought it would be nice if you were +on top of my computer and you just appeared there." Another knock came at the +door. There was a female voice. + +"Shit, play it cool." + +"I don't know how I can do anything other than what I am doing now, but okay." + +A woman entered the room. She appeared to be in a very skimpy outfit, showing +off her curves. She also seemed to have a pair of demonic looking wings that she +let open in the middle of the room. The boy awkwardly made conversation with her +for a while. I tried to get the boy's attention by spraying at him. I definitely +got his attention. "What're you looking at, roomie? Aren't you gonna give your +poor roomie some pizza?" + +I didn't think she could see me. I tried spraying more. The boy looked over at +me angrily. "Cut it out bottle, I'll throw you out with the trash if you keep +that up!" + +"What are you talking about? I'm not a bottle, I'm hungry." She walked over to +the pizza and grabbed a slice, pushing the boy into his desk. She looked dead at +me when she had her slice. I don't think she saw me. She turned around and +bumped one of her wings into the boy, causing them to fall off. "Nooo! My +costume!" + +"That's what you get for wearing a succubus costume in a dorm hall." + +She stuck her tongue out sarcastically at the boy and picked up her wing. "Okay +sarcasm boy, you're gonna help me get this on~. If you do I may have a fun time +planned for you~." + +"I know what you're planning Mike. I'm not going to bang you. We agreed that I +wouldn't before you did this." + +"No fun." + +Her name is _Mike_? I thought about it and decided that it was better to leave +things be. + +"Hey, dude, I don't really know what's going on. Where am I? Who am I? What am +I? Are you just gonna keep me in the dark about all of this?" I tried to direct +this to the boy with a burst of energy, spraying him to be sure I got his +attention. + +He looked over at me like I was cock-blocking him. I felt myself blush and +backed off. It looks like there would be plenty of time later to get those +questions answered. + +"Hey Conner, when are you going to get into your costume? Did the ritual I gave +you work?" + +"Yeah...about that..." + +--- + +Elsewhere at a random cleaning product factory, it was business as usual. The +production lines were running smoothly. The trucks of cleaner continued as +normal and every bottle was being filled at the normal rate. + +A woman in a skimpy outfit suddenly appeared on the production line, causing one +of the workers to hit the "emergency stop" button. The woman had a demonic aura +about her. Her bewitching gaze stunned the factory floor. She got off the +production line and walked out of the building, with that worker in tow; +seemingly enamored with her. _This is going to be fun~_, she thought to herself. diff --git a/config.dhall b/config.dhall index 827a00a..aa57cd0 100644 --- a/config.dhall +++ b/config.dhall @@ -53,14 +53,6 @@ let Config = , default = True , inSystem = True } - , Author::{ - , name = "Ashe" - , handle = "ectamorphic" - , picUrl = None Text - , link = None Text - , twitter = None Text - , inSystem = True - } , Author::{ , name = "Jessie" , handle = "Heartmender" @@ -70,14 +62,9 @@ let Config = , twitter = Some "BeJustFine" , inSystem = True } - , Author::{ - , name = "Nicole" - , handle = "Twi" - , picUrl = None Text - , link = None Text - , twitter = None Text - , inSystem = True - } + , Author::{ name = "Ashe", handle = "ectamorphic", inSystem = True } + , Author::{ name = "Nicole", handle = "Twi", inSystem = True } + , Author::{ name = "Mai", handle = "Mai", inSystem = True } ] , port = defaultPort , clackSet = [ "Ashlynn" ]