# Reddit AMA, 2019

From [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/amax3l/2019_i_am_koomer_qa/).

throwaway account. Yes am 'that guy' who made "oguigi"
if "proof" is requested, I might share a thing or two with a mod, nothing more.

hopefully i am not breaking "rule 2 Vague title and content"
This is my final bit of communication to the community. As I've have removed my tumblr some time ago.

Guess the only purpose of posting here is just to put on the record that I am still Alive and in decent health, my last yearly update since I stop tulpamancy.

I understand this is reddit. I will answer a few questions that are within reason. this will be the one and only time I will answer them. I be checking over the next few days.

## Questions

> I have been making an ebook version of your old tumblr blog [here](https://xena.greedo.xeserv.us/books/project-koomer/). Can I continue doing this? I want to release this free to the web. [Here](https://xena.greedo.xeserv.us/tumblr/ponystasha.zip) is the backup of your blog I made it from.

I have no issue. Am actually surprise you went to the effort to do this. I was pretty messy writing my diary so to have someone clean it up is a great service.

> Glad to hear that you're alive and well.
> 
> What was the biggest mistake, you think? What would you warn people against doing?

Abusing tulpamancy for trying to escape my hardships of the time, during 2012 I guess tulpamancy was seen as a cure to get want you want and achieve your fantasies.

I also regret overdoing possession in the attempt for a true switch. That left lasting damage.

> What do you have to say about statements that you had schizophrenia, and that your use of drugs caused many of your problems?

I can say that I was mentally "normal" i didn't had schizophrenia before I started. I would say that after about a couple months my mind was started going down hill. The drugs happened a little while later, it was at first in the attempt to "amplify" my tulpamancy in the attempt to switch. But then as my mental health got worse it was used as a way to escape. And that just made things worse.

> What drove you to make this post? I find it odd that I spent a few years out of tulpas and you make your post at the exact same time I decide to look back into it. And by exact, I mean you made your post when I started looking and I found it a bit later, 15 minutes to be exact.
>
> Well, to me it was a feeling of an unfinished business. A ball I dropped that should be picked up.

Closure. I knew my story had a bad ending, but like every year I wanted the community to know that am alive, recovering and in decent health, But this time is really the last. wanted to give the community at least one chance to communicate with me.

> First off, I just need to say that your case seriously fascinated me when I first read it and inspired me to air caution to newer Tulpamancers. Really, you were just that perfect example that Tulpamancy can and has gone wrong, given the right circumstances, no offense, obviously. So, thanks for originally sharing your blog.
>
> Anyway, one question I'm not sure if anyone asked is what events do you think led to you dissipating Oguigi? Like, minor things, major things, and you can of course leave over-personal details out. I'm just curious as to what led to things turning out how they did.

well it happened after an incident. I then felt I went too far, and had to stop before I destroyed myself.

hmm "dissipating" Oguigi, It's not a sudden thing, the process took years. But too be honest it's a process of starving a certain part of your mind. You are not feeding that side of you with anymore "energy". But it cannot truly die, it never really disappear. You can bring it back if you desired. It's always will be a part of you that you must live with.

> Hi Koomer. I’m pleased that you are doing well. You may remember, I’m Pleeb’s secretary from tulpa.info ?
> 
> I always had a bit of a hero feeling for Oguigi Tsuma. I recently discovered that I’ve come to look like her a bit over time.
>
> Edit: I think it’s fine for a title. Don’t worry so much. (Yes, I’m a mod’ here now.)
>
> Edit: Yeah, I had the advantage of a supportive family. It makes a huge difference. I’m just treated as another family member. I’m just one of many and not seen as unusual. Though, I am kind of the most well known and least secretive.
> 
> I personally think that tulpas are an illusion. However, I obviously think and behave far differently to Kevin. It’s a mystery.

Hey Nobillis, I vaguely remember you. I believe we was part of the original 2012 group. I see that you have strike a good balance with tulpamancy. Am happy to see you are well.

> I remember the entire story with you and ouguigi (sorry if i misspelled that) was the one big thing that kept me from really attempting the same, so I'm sorry it happened to you, but also thank you for being able to show people how things can go wrong if left unchecked. My main question is, what are you up to now? It does seem like you are much better in mental health since it all went down, but i can imagine that dark place still calls for you, and if so then know that I believe in you.
> 
> Other question, if you were given an option where you could go back and choose to attempt it again with what you know now, or to avoid it before it began, what would you choose?

Am up to a few things, am doing a lot. I have recently finished university and got a Bachelors degree. got a decent internship a couple weeks ago. studying for my masters and trying to learn Spanish as my second language.

For the second question: Not do it. If I could go back I would have avoided it. The fall out from doing it held me back hard. It wasn't for me. Should had just gotten into another mmo game or something at the time.

> What would you do differently if you could go back?

Not try to make any attempts to bring tulpamancy into the real world (imposing/possession/switching). I would have kept it in my mind, if I did that things would have been different.

> Any recommendations to the people on here based on your experiences?

Hmm, well my honest opinion is this, tulpamancy can be used to support you in hard times. But do it in moderation. do not get greedy. The real goal I feel is to use tulpamancy as a from of therapy for your mental and perhaps spiritual wellbeing. Follow that and you will live a better life during and after tulpamancy.

> How do you feel about people using your story as an example? If you wanted to tell your story as a warning to others, how would you say the moral?

I don't feel bad, Am actually glad that my story has maybe helped others from making the same mistakes I have.

I don't have a set moral of the story in mind. The moral is different depending on how you see the story.

> I can't imagine what you had to endure, and how much time and effort you needed to recover after everything went downhill. That being said, I can't do anything but wonder why you would come back. I understand the status update, but, why the questions?

I don't want to leave you hanging and not respond. But I can't really give a clear answer to the "why". A few days ago I answered a similar question to this. Closure is the best answer I can give, Doing this is my way of having closure and putting this thing to rest for real. Because I won't be doing anymore updates after this post dies down.

> Would you consider doing a podcast with me?

Thanks for the offer. But I won't do that. This current level of communication is as far as I go.
