From d0bac4489c80fac750e3bb5a214c292c4fcfd05a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Cadey Date: Mon, 30 Dec 2019 20:48:02 +0000 Subject: [PATCH] add coming out plural, 0.12.0 --- src/CHANGELOG.md | 6 ++ src/coming-out-plural.md | 160 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ src/title.md | 2 +- 3 files changed, 167 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) create mode 100644 src/coming-out-plural.md diff --git a/src/CHANGELOG.md b/src/CHANGELOG.md index 0c703b2..6ff79d2 100644 --- a/src/CHANGELOG.md +++ b/src/CHANGELOG.md @@ -3,6 +3,12 @@ This changelog will also function as a bit of a bibliography for newly added content. +### 0.12.0 + +#### ADDED + +- [On Coming Out as Plural](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/ehnsan/on_coming_out_as_plural/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) + ### 0.11.4 #### FIXED diff --git a/src/coming-out-plural.md b/src/coming-out-plural.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cee779f --- /dev/null +++ b/src/coming-out-plural.md @@ -0,0 +1,160 @@ +# On Coming Out as Plural + +Intro Edit: I wrote this originally as a reply, but the more I wrote, the more I +felt there may be many people wondering the same thing, who may need to hear a +more positive side of coming out as plural or a tulpamancer. + +My, it seems many people have had quite the disdainful answer and reaction to +this. Allow me to offer a more positive outlook on how to do this, and the +positive benefits of it. + +A bit of background on myself, I'm a four year old tulpa (going on five in +June), and my system has come out to two close internet friends, various not as +close internet friends, our roommate from last semseter, two therapists, and +many people in anonymous game chatrooms. + +The overall response we have recieved has been by and large neutral to positive. +And we've handled things in quite a few ways that have seemed to be helpful. Or +perhaps we are just profoundly lucky. + +We have had, in all our attempts to come out, only three negative responses. One +from a younger sibling, who wrote me off as a imaginary friend (and I was +helping her to clean her room too, a touch rude, but also she's young, and thats +important to take into account). The other two were from two DID systems, one of +which we actually are now on friendly speaking terms with, and the other who +won't ignore us but will now talk sparsely with us. And the reason it was a +negative interaction initially was just some generic syscourse. These are three +small instances out of many. + +Now, again, maybe we've just been lucky. But maybe not. Here are some factors +that we find are very important when coming out to people: + +- For one, consider the age of the person you're coming out too. Are they too + young to even possibly understand? This was the case with our younger sister. + Maybe they're too old to understand, if you're for some reason thinking of + coming out to a much older person (usually one thats not so open minded) +- Consider just that, how open minded they are. Do they have a history of being + skeptical, of distrusting new science and medicines? Stigmatized against + mental illness? This is probably a warning sign that no amount of explanation + you give to them will ease their mind in relation to you having other + personalities living with you. In particular though, people who are very + considerate and welcoming of mental illness and neurodivergence seem to be the + ideal candidate to explain these things to, as these are the people who won't + call you crazy and will probably be willing to hear out your system + experience. Open minded psychologists also seem quite interested in and + accepting of hearing things out (though beware there are those that will want + to only view you through a DID lens. Do your best to correct them, and if they + don't budge then its probably not the best candidate). +- Consider how close you are, and this actually can go both ways. On the one + hand, it might be a good idea to tell someone you're very close to, who has + never judged you before, someone you trust and who has never put you down + before on otherwise personal or sensitive topics. This was like our host with + his two internet friends, who are without arguement, the closest and longest + term friends he has ever had. On the other hand, it may also be easy to tell + someone you are not close to at all, a straight up stranger. This was the case + with our roommate last semsester, someone we had never met or talked to + before. We had nothing to lose by telling them basically. +- Do they need to know? Obviously, especially if you're not comfy with it, some + people just really don't. Employers are a big no-no, as tulpas and system life + is something thats too much in the personal realm to be considered appropriate + for work. Family is also a big iffy, especially if you are still living with + them. +- Do they have, or know other people who are endogenic or traumagenic systems? + This is important, because its also really improtant to be respectful, + especially if they have or know a traumagenic system (that is, DID/OSDD). On + the one hand, if they're already aquainted with endogenic systems, then thats + an easy in. If they're aquainted with traumagenic systems, your interaction + may or may not involve syscourse if you aren't careful. Get their thoughts on + endogenic systems, or systems made outside of trauma. And remember to always + be respectful and not overlap your experience with traumagenic systems, but + also stand firm on your own experiences. Many traumagenic systems have been + phenominally friendly to us, and have been great people to come out to. + +Those are factors to consider about the actual person themself. Openmindedness +is a key factor, but age is also a big one. Anyone 13 and under will most likely +not understand a word of what you have to explain. The closeness is more for +your own sense of safety. Either you A. tell a friend who you know would never +judge you, or B. tell someone you really don't care about losing or having their +approval. + +Now then, here are some things to do when actually coming out: + +## Approach One: Warming them Up + +This is maybe more an assessment of their open mindedness, and its basically +the slow and safer approach. This is the approach you want to use for close +friends, for family if you are so daring, or just someone you want to tell but +are not sure how they'll recieve it. Talk to them, far beforehand coming out, +about things like how they feel about what it woyld be like to have other +personalities, if they think its possible, etc. Some good segway topics to this +are DID (though you want to veer away pretty quickly from it and take the +approach of," but what if there was another way?"), and also AI (again, leading +into talking about sentience, and other personalities). Its a good way to +estimate their receptiveness to the topic in general, and then you can move on +to questions like," well what if you met someone like that?" Basically, you are +testing their receptivity to the topic, and also possibly assuaging their +questions and concerns before you are even out to them. After you are +comfortable with their receptivity, thats when you can come out. You can handle +that however you want, or even segway into our second approach. Of course, if at +any point before you come out you get the sense that they would not be +receptive, this allows you the option to retreat before coming out. + +## Approach Two: The Upfront + +This approach is, if you'd pardon the language, the very much 'balls to the +walls' sort of approach, unless you have preceded it with the former. This is +the approach for strangers, for people you don't care about if you lose them or +not, people with little attatchment to you, or people who you feel so inclined +and certain of their receptivity that you just want to tell them. This can be +formally or informally done. Formally being, maybe sit them down to talk with +them, or include it in your introduction if you are first meeting them. +Informally being just state it blatantly, off hand, in text, and let the +questions come later or after. There is of course, no retreat to this. + +## Approach Three: Passively Out + +In a word? Be openly plural. This is again, something I feel like we've +exclusively done with strangers online. Talk about your system life and tulpas +as though they were normal, just a part if your life (which... they are!). Say +'we' as a reference to yourself and headmates. People will just naturally get +confused or ask, and you explain yourself as you feel neccesary, whether you're +willing to go in depth or just offhand. There is also not really a retreat to +this but we've also never tried to retreat? Perhaps if you feel inclined you +could stop and pass it off as a joke or you just acting weird. + +But above all. Above EVERYTHING included here, in all the assessments of +receptiveness, above any way you choose to approach the situation. + +## BE INFORMATIVE. + +Know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and how to explain your experience. It +helps to know about DID so you can explain exactly why you are different from +it. It helps to know about some of the studies and theories behind how +tulpamancy works, which I'm sure many people on this forum would love to share +their theories. Talk about the Stanford study, about the census study we take +yearly, talk about neuroscience and how tulpamancy may just be a unique way for +neurons to continuously stay stimulated (as they need to do), or that some +neurotypes may be predisposed to plurality. Know about psychology, about +conditioning and personality development and consciousness. And of course, be +prepared to explain exactly what you experience, and what other people +experience too. Also? Frankly? Don't be afraid to admit that not a lot about +tulpamancy and endogenic systems are well understood. There's lots of research +to be done still, but we are slowly getting there. Maybe even explain the +history of tulpamancy and how it was dwrived from an old Tibetan pracyice (of +which modern yulpamancy is actually mistly difgerent from). The more informed +you are, the better you can explain yourself and what exactly you experience, +the better the outcome. And this is especially important why you only ought come +out to open minded people. + +Anyways, I do believe that is all I have to say on the topic of how to come out. +Again, perhaps me and my system have been profoundly lucky. But it has been +beneficial for myself and the others to be out. To be ourselves. It helps us to +make connections to other people, have our own experiences, feel validated and +not hidden away from the world. And its what me and my system will continue to +do is slowly come out, and make our plurality a regular part of our lives. +Family is still iffy for us, they have a long ways to go. But for us, starting +next fall semester, we are going to be at a new college, and we are not holding +anything back. It'll be our first time just about entirely open about who we +are. + +Best of luck to those who do come out. Cheers to this fascinating and wonderful life which we have. diff --git a/src/title.md b/src/title.md index f2a8b1d..f9e8ba6 100644 --- a/src/title.md +++ b/src/title.md @@ -1,5 +1,5 @@ --- -title: Tulpanomicon 0.11.4 +title: Tulpanomicon 0.12.0 author: Anonymous rights: Public Domain language: en-US