the itch (#230)

blog/the-itch-2020-10-11.markdown

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+---
+title: The Itch
+date: 2020-10-11
+tags:
+ - 100DaysToOffload
+---
+
+# The Itch
+
+I write a lot. I code a lot. This leads to people asking me questions like "how
+do you have the energy to do that?" or "why do you keep doing that day in and
+day out?". I was reading [this
+post](https://aarontag.dev/2020/06/14/the-urge.html) that I found linked in the
+Forbidden Orange Site's comments and it really resonated with me.
+
+At the core, I have this deep burning sensation to try things out to see what
+they are like. It's like this itch deep in me that I can only scratch with
+writing, coding or sometimes even just answering people's questions in
+chatrooms. This itch is a catalyst to my productivity. It powers my daily work
+and makes me able to do what I do in order to make things better for everyone.
+
+However, sometimes the itch isn't there. Sometimes it makes me want to focus on
+something else. Trying to do something else without the itch empowering me can
+feel like swimming upstream with heavy chains wrapped around me. My greatest
+boon is simultaneously my greatest vice. 
+
+I don't really know how to handle the days where it's not working. I try to save
+up my sick and vacation days so that I can avoid burning myself out on the bad
+days. Things like this are why I am a huge fan of unlimited vacation policies.
+Unlimited vacation does mean that I get paid out less money when I leave a job;
+however it means that I have the freedom to have bad days and let the good days
+tank me through the bad days so that I come out above average.
+
+Trying to explain this to people can feel stressful. Especially to a manager.
+I've had some bad experiences with that in the past. Phrase this wrong, and some
+people will hear "I don't want to do this work ever" instead of "I can't do this
+work today". This especially sucks when deadlines roll in and that vital itch
+goes away, leaving me at half capacity at the worst possible time. 
+
+This itch leads me to set increasing standards on myself too. It's had some
+negative sides in that it makes me feel like I need to make everything better
+than the last thing. Each post better than the previous ones. Each project
+implementation better than the last. Onwards and onwards into a spiral that sets
+the bar so high I stress myself out trying to approach it.
+
+I haven't kept to my informal goal to have at least one post per week on this
+blog because of that absurdly high standard I set for myself. I'm going to try
+and change this. I'm going to start participating in [100 days to
+offload](https://100daystooffload.com). Expect some shorter and more focused
+posts for the immediate future. I am going to be working on the Rust series,
+however each part of it will be in isolation from here on out instead of the
+longer multifaceted posts.
+
+This is day 1 of my 100 days to offload.
+
+Also be sure to check out my post on
+[Palisade](https://tech.lightspeedhq.com/palisade-version-bumping-at-scale-in-ci/),
+a version bumping tool for GitHub repositories.