2022-01-10 23:09:31 +00:00
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---
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title: You Win, Broken Database Schemas
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date: 2022-01-10
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tags:
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- rant
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---
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There is [no software that correctly handles
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names](https://www.kalzumeus.com/2010/06/17/falsehoods-programmers-believe-about-names/)
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that exists on this planet. One of the major things I have bashed my head into
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as of late is the assumption that people have a first and a last name. The first
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name is usually what identifies the person, and the last name usually identifies
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the family.
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I have wanted to use `Xe` as my name places (no last name, like Socrates), but
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everyone has broken database schemas that make it impossible. These schemas
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usually look like this:
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```sql
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CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS people
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( id VARCHAR PRIMARY KEY DEFAULT (uuid4())
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, first_name VARCHAR NOT NULL
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, last_name VARCHAR NOT NULL
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-- draw the rest of the owl
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);
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```
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And as a result things like `Xe` (no last name) cannot fit into this schema. I
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have found out the depth of this shitshow while trying to use my handle as my
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name on newly registered account things and the amount of stuff that breaks or
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works in weird ways is _staggering_. Email salutations look like this:
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> Hello Xe ,
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Forms will break if I don't put a last name in the field. The assumptions about
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names are _so deep_ that it's rapidly becoming not worth it to only have my name
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as `Xe`. Not to mention [overzealous journalists that will argue with you over
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what your name is due to name
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collisions](https://twitter.com/theprincessxena/status/1479197000667181061?s=20).
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You win, broken database schemas. I give up trying to deal with you to encode my
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name correctly. You just don't let me and I am tired of fighting it, opening
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support tickets and arguing with people over what my name is. I give in. I'm
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going to use a last name for my handle, which is absolutely ridiculous, but here
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we are.
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It took me a few hours to dig through ideas over the weekend and today, but I
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think I have found something satisfactory enough that I can keep it for the long
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haul: [Iaso](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iaso) (ai-uh-so, /aɪ.ə.soʊ/), the
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minor Greek goddess of recovering from illness.
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Hopefully I don't have to deal with professional issues as a result of me trying
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to be more true to myself about my identity. At the very least I want very
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little to do with the last name that I was born into. Some day that name will be
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removed from the last database with it set, but today is not that day.
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If you work on systems that handle names, please, please, please take the time
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to reconsider if you actually need to deal with a last name for more reason than
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it's the cultural standard. There are valid reasons to have a mononym, and by
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supporting mononyms you will make people's lives easier.
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Until then, I am `Xe Iaso`. Let's see where this phase of the identity
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experiment goes. It's still really complicated. Anyone who claims to have their
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identity figured out is either in denial or stopped digging into it for the time
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being. The rabbit hole truly never ends.
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The main thing I don't like about this name is how ambiguous it shows up in
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sans-serif fonts:
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<div style="font-family:sans-serif">
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Xe Iaso
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</div>
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It looks like `Xe laso`. I've edited my email signature to try and compensate
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for this:
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```
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Xe Iaso (zi ai-uh-so)
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2022-05-26 17:44:47 +00:00
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https://xeiaso.net
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2022-01-10 23:09:31 +00:00
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.i la budza pu cusku lu
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<<.i ko snura .i ko kanro
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.i ko panpi .i ko gleki
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```
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Let's see if that helps. It will probably look bad when things are put into
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sans-serif fonts, but what can you do lol.
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---
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Also I would _prefer_ you call me `Xe` from now on when possible. This conflicts
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with and supercedes suggestions I made in [this article](/blog/xe-2021-08-07). I
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consider most of that experiment to have worked out and I am going into the next
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phase, albeit less "pure" than I wanted.
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Thank you for sticking with this blog. This started out as a place for me to get
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better at writing but has rapidly turned into something that has helped me
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explore my identity in ways that I never would have thought it would. Thanks for
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following the rabbit hole. Thank you for supporting me being more authentic to
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myself about who I am. Your support means more than you possibly will know.
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I wonder if my SEO craft is strong enough to get me high on the list of google
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results for `Iaso`.
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