4.6 KiB
March, 2014
Day 555
03/03/2014 04:24:18 AM
Going to be honest, I don’t write many updates anymore.
Am trying to end this with a clean slate, but it’s not easy. One of the things i’ve been doing to accelerate this is abstaining from any tulpamancy related material as possible.
Just being reminded of the subject or even seeing an imagine of a pony makes the left side of my brain go crazy with pressure.
I know what the pressure means, My tulpa and most things related to it reawakening.
I keep this short because of that. I seriously have to limit my exposure to this stuff.
Sometimes I wonder If anyone else going to have issues
03/03/2014 03:36:00 PM
A couple days ago i checked on other people tulpa progress logs.
I could not really find any bad or negative things going on with other people, Is my case unique? Did i just so happen to do everything wrong? Maybe it was the reckless possession I did, Perhaps that was the kicker.
Am not sure if people going to start having problems in the future, and i was just the ‘first’. I guess only time will tell.
Day 569 - Back to Self.
03/17/2014 12:33:00 PM
Hey guys, Am still around.
I have been very hard at work, restoring myself to a state of balance.
I’ve been fighting for months, And i’ve became stronger and wiser for it. The war is not quite over yet, But the end is now with in sight.
The time I’ve been able to use and control my own Body has been increasing, Am able to do more things. Am able to resist the negative influences.
Sometimes They still get the best of me, But I try to learn from it. and fight longer and harder the next time.
Oguigi is STILL around, And I can still talk to her. We did a test, to see if see can still possess me, she can’t. Mostly due to me than her. This is actually good news, because possession is one thing am trying to undo with myself.
Oh yeah, Update on Day 531, the “give peace get peace” stuff didn’t work out. Am fighting for 100% control all the time, Am no longer settling for anything less.
Until next time.
Day 579 - Finding myself again
03/27/2014 06:11:02 PM
“Koomer” is not really me, it may sound a bit strange but just hang in there.
I think what “Koomer” is, is just one part of me. I think the person am really am is actually a mixture of everything, Both the good and the bad.
Koomer, is like my “Good” Self, Every since the first or Second week doing tulpamancy I’ve identified my Consciousness as him.
The problem is that my “bad” self, can no longer be expressed. And Pressure starts to build. My Good self trys to fight back, under the illusion that it had to protect itself from the “Bad” self, and before you know it am at war with myself. The good self cannot hold on control forever, eventually feelings and emotions floods over. And before you know it. am doing drugs and such.
This week i’ve tried something new, I relaxed. I stopped worrying about the good and the bad. and i just try to go back to my natural state.
Am quite aware that i screwed up badly with tulpamancy, My main problems came with possession. I lost my identity, That’s the main reason why i could not stop it, Because i forgot what my true self was, the whole situation was like quicksand. But now I think am closer to returning to my true self then ever before, wish me luck, and pray that am not wrong.
Question on 03/30/2014
03/30/2014 12:15:00 PM
Try not to define yourself as anything. It is common for everyone to develop some idea of themselves, but it only makes you think about what you think about, worry about worrying etc. I can imagine this becomes an even bigger problem when you mess with what "life" is for you(tulpamancy & other practices). Life is at its best when you do not try to explain it and selves stop fighting as soon as you stop acknowledging them, so just relax some more :)
I’ll try my best to do that, and whatever else comes to mind. The whole idea is to relax. The whole process will take awhile, but i’ll just have to remain patient.
I don’t think i’ve told anyone this yet. The “dark figures” and such don’t even exist anymore, And am not worried talking about them too. After being exposed to it for so long, I just stop caring about them, and just went on with my everyday task. when i’ve stopped caring they came less and less until they just seemed to vanish all together.
My main goal is to get back into working condition. Uhm school is something i’ve seriously have to catch up on. And finding a Job is definitely in my to do list, it would be another excuse to get out more and get some fresh air.