My Next Life as an Imaginary Bottle of Window Cleaner
Signed-off-by: Christine Dodrill <me@christine.website>
This commit is contained in:
parent
7bdd2936c2
commit
92b253972c
|
|
@ -0,0 +1,191 @@
|
|||
---
|
||||
title: "My Next Life as an Imaginary Bottle of Window Cleaner"
|
||||
date: 2021-09-24
|
||||
author: Mai
|
||||
tags:
|
||||
- isekai
|
||||
- fiction
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Today was another boring day, like all the other boring days. I was almost done
|
||||
with my commute to the office, not looking forward to spending another day
|
||||
working on the same spreadsheet. I don't believe in monsters, ghosts or spirits,
|
||||
but I do believe that thing is haunted.
|
||||
|
||||
"Next stop is Broughton Junction, end of the line!"
|
||||
|
||||
That was my stop. I thought I got it easy by getting an apartment right next to
|
||||
the train, but I never thought that my job would move so far away. I got up with
|
||||
the others and walked my way to the exit of the station. The crowd was lifeless
|
||||
and dead today. The usual morning rush of the station I got on the train at had
|
||||
turned into a lazy slump towards the exit.
|
||||
|
||||
The only solace from these doldrums was the barista at the coffee shop by the
|
||||
doors. She had such a lovely smile; sometimes it was the only thing that kept me
|
||||
going. _I wonder what her name is_, I thought to myself as I breached the
|
||||
darkness of the station and was enveloped in the light of the outside world.
|
||||
Nubypool was the financial hub of the province. My work was in the Ministry of
|
||||
Accounting, taming the beast that was their spreadsheets. As I walked towards
|
||||
the entrance of the building I looked around, seeing the gray, drab skyscrapers
|
||||
around me sully the lively deep blue above them.
|
||||
|
||||
I crossed the street and walked to the double doors, but then there was a noise.
|
||||
I looked up and saw something falling towards me, then suddenly there was a loud
|
||||
noise and everything went dark.
|
||||
|
||||
The darkness persisted for a while, I couldn't touch, see or hear myself. I was
|
||||
alone in a silent hell with only my thoughts to break the sheer emptiness of it
|
||||
all. Suddenly, it hit me. _I'm dead, aren't I? I'm never going to get that
|
||||
barista's number, am I?_
|
||||
|
||||
A noise filled my awareness. I couldn't recognize it, but it came with a
|
||||
friendly presence. It felt like my best friend, mother, and more all in one. I
|
||||
felt like I knew this person intimately even though we had never spoken before.
|
||||
I could pick out that there were words, but nothing usable other than that.
|
||||
|
||||
The words stopped after a while, and that was the saddest part of the whole
|
||||
thing. I was so alone without the words, but I didn't feel like I had any
|
||||
control over when they started. They started and stopped without any indication
|
||||
of where or when they were coming from.
|
||||
|
||||
Then they started again and I knew that I needed to capitalize on this. The
|
||||
voice was going to go away if I didn't do anything about it. All I could do was
|
||||
think, so I decided to think as loud and hard as I could. I screamed in my mind.
|
||||
I would have woke the neighbors if this was in the apartment back home. Those
|
||||
thin walls would have made the entire floor wake up. I shouted and shouted like
|
||||
my life depended on it. As I shouted and screamed the darkness started to gain
|
||||
color. There was a small pinhole of light that expanded and filled my awareness
|
||||
until it grew to everywhere I could see. _Is this reincarnation?_
|
||||
|
||||
As if a blindfold had been lifted, I could finally get to see myself in some
|
||||
level of detail. I looked down and all I saw was a bright poster with what
|
||||
looked like words on it. I looked behind me and I saw what appeared to be a
|
||||
poster with more smaller words. I looked to the sides and saw what appeared to
|
||||
be clear plastic with a blue liquid in it.
|
||||
|
||||
I started panicking. I didn't know what was going on. _Aren't I supposed to be
|
||||
some kind of animal? Why am I this?_
|
||||
|
||||
The voice started again, a lot more clearly. I could pick out the words: "So
|
||||
_that's_ why they call it a 'head pressure'! Wow I don't even know how to
|
||||
describe this feeling other than that!"
|
||||
|
||||
I looked ahead and I saw a young boy, something like 18 years old. I was in some
|
||||
kind of small apartment. There was a ritual circle of some kind, I was right in
|
||||
the middle of it. Looking around there was a pentagram made out of a white and
|
||||
blue powder, cards I've never seen before and a bottle of red liquid. There was
|
||||
a mirror to the side of me though. I took a long and detailed look at myself.
|
||||
|
||||
I saw an orange nozzle look back at me. There was what appeared to be a handle
|
||||
under the nozzle, looking like it was screwed on top of a bottle of...
|
||||
|
||||
_No, this can't be!_
|
||||
|
||||
It was screwed on top of a bottle of window cleaner.
|
||||
|
||||
"I'M A BOTTLE OF WINDOW CLEANER????"
|
||||
|
||||
The boy in front of me winced and grunted, my shouting must have hurt him. I
|
||||
suddenly got a feeling of fear washing over me. I felt the tip of my nozzle
|
||||
screw itself shut and my self-image vanished from the mirror. Had I interrupted
|
||||
the ritual?
|
||||
|
||||
The boy composed himself and looked down at me. "So, you're the succubus I
|
||||
summoned? What's wrong with you?"
|
||||
|
||||
"S...succubus? I'm not a succubus, I could swear that a few days ago I was...
|
||||
well not this. I don't know what I am other than apparently..."
|
||||
|
||||
I tried to gesture at my own body but only ended up making my handle flail about
|
||||
meaninglessly, spraying a bit of blue fluid out of my nozzle. It felt like it
|
||||
had come out of my mouth. It had no taste initially, but it left a slightly sour
|
||||
taste after a moment.
|
||||
|
||||
"A bottle of window cleaner??"
|
||||
|
||||
"...What. How did this happen?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Why are you asking me? You apparently summoned me. What did you expect to get?"
|
||||
|
||||
The boy looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Assuming I had
|
||||
ears that were big enough for lobsters crawling out of them that is.
|
||||
|
||||
"I...what...how...okay"
|
||||
|
||||
There was suddenly a knock at the door. "SHIT!", the boy said to himself without
|
||||
saying it. He started scrambling around and frantically trying to clean things.
|
||||
|
||||
He swept up the white powder and put away the playing cards, but try as he might
|
||||
he couldn't grab me to put me away. His hand phased through me like I wasn't
|
||||
there. He got up and let the other person in. It was a pizza delivery person.
|
||||
The boy handed over some money and then took the pizza and placed it on top of a
|
||||
clear spot of his desk.
|
||||
|
||||
I suddenly found myself on top of a metal surface. I could feel something
|
||||
spinning under me and heard the soft hum of an idle fan. I had just teleported
|
||||
across the room. "W..what, why am I here?"
|
||||
|
||||
"I didn't...know that would do anything. I thought it would be nice if you were
|
||||
on top of my computer and you just appeared there." Another knock came at the
|
||||
door. There was a female voice.
|
||||
|
||||
"Shit, play it cool."
|
||||
|
||||
"I don't know how I can do anything other than what I am doing now, but okay."
|
||||
|
||||
A woman entered the room. She appeared to be in a very skimpy outfit, showing
|
||||
off her curves. She also seemed to have a pair of demonic looking wings that she
|
||||
let open in the middle of the room. The boy awkwardly made conversation with her
|
||||
for a while. I tried to get the boy's attention by spraying at him. I definitely
|
||||
got his attention. "What're you looking at, roomie? Aren't you gonna give your
|
||||
poor roomie some pizza?"
|
||||
|
||||
I didn't think she could see me. I tried spraying more. The boy looked over at
|
||||
me angrily. "Cut it out bottle, I'll throw you out with the trash if you keep
|
||||
that up!"
|
||||
|
||||
"What are you talking about? I'm not a bottle, I'm hungry." She walked over to
|
||||
the pizza and grabbed a slice, pushing the boy into his desk. She looked dead at
|
||||
me when she had her slice. I don't think she saw me. She turned around and
|
||||
bumped one of her wings into the boy, causing them to fall off. "Nooo! My
|
||||
costume!"
|
||||
|
||||
"That's what you get for wearing a succubus costume in a dorm hall."
|
||||
|
||||
She stuck her tongue out sarcastically at the boy and picked up her wing. "Okay
|
||||
sarcasm boy, you're gonna help me get this on~. If you do I may have a fun time
|
||||
planned for you~."
|
||||
|
||||
"I know what you're planning Mike. I'm not going to bang you. We agreed that I
|
||||
wouldn't before you did this."
|
||||
|
||||
"No fun."
|
||||
|
||||
Her name is _Mike_? I thought about it and decided that it was better to leave
|
||||
things be.
|
||||
|
||||
"Hey, dude, I don't really know what's going on. Where am I? Who am I? What am
|
||||
I? Are you just gonna keep me in the dark about all of this?" I tried to direct
|
||||
this to the boy with a burst of energy, spraying him to be sure I got his
|
||||
attention.
|
||||
|
||||
He looked over at me like I was cock-blocking him. I felt myself blush and
|
||||
backed off. It looks like there would be plenty of time later to get those
|
||||
questions answered.
|
||||
|
||||
"Hey Conner, when are you going to get into your costume? Did the ritual I gave
|
||||
you work?"
|
||||
|
||||
"Yeah...about that..."
|
||||
|
||||
---
|
||||
|
||||
Elsewhere at a random cleaning product factory, it was business as usual. The
|
||||
production lines were running smoothly. The trucks of cleaner continued as
|
||||
normal and every bottle was being filled at the normal rate.
|
||||
|
||||
A woman in a skimpy outfit suddenly appeared on the production line, causing one
|
||||
of the workers to hit the "emergency stop" button. The woman had a demonic aura
|
||||
about her. Her bewitching gaze stunned the factory floor. She got off the
|
||||
production line and walked out of the building, with that worker in tow;
|
||||
seemingly enamored with her. _This is going to be fun~_, she thought to herself.
|
||||
19
config.dhall
19
config.dhall
|
|
@ -53,14 +53,6 @@ let Config =
|
|||
, default = True
|
||||
, inSystem = True
|
||||
}
|
||||
, Author::{
|
||||
, name = "Ashe"
|
||||
, handle = "ectamorphic"
|
||||
, picUrl = None Text
|
||||
, link = None Text
|
||||
, twitter = None Text
|
||||
, inSystem = True
|
||||
}
|
||||
, Author::{
|
||||
, name = "Jessie"
|
||||
, handle = "Heartmender"
|
||||
|
|
@ -70,14 +62,9 @@ let Config =
|
|||
, twitter = Some "BeJustFine"
|
||||
, inSystem = True
|
||||
}
|
||||
, Author::{
|
||||
, name = "Nicole"
|
||||
, handle = "Twi"
|
||||
, picUrl = None Text
|
||||
, link = None Text
|
||||
, twitter = None Text
|
||||
, inSystem = True
|
||||
}
|
||||
, Author::{ name = "Ashe", handle = "ectamorphic", inSystem = True }
|
||||
, Author::{ name = "Nicole", handle = "Twi", inSystem = True }
|
||||
, Author::{ name = "Mai", handle = "Mai", inSystem = True }
|
||||
]
|
||||
, port = defaultPort
|
||||
, clackSet = [ "Ashlynn" ]
|
||||
|
|
|
|||
Loading…
Reference in New Issue