microservices more

Signed-off-by: Xe Iaso <me@christine.website>

blog/make-microservices-cluster-2022-01-27.markdown

@@ -8,6 +8,65 @@ tags:
   - cicd
   - hashtag
   - swag
+  - gke
+  - eks
+  - anthos
+  - satire
 ---
 
-Don't.
+[So everyone is talking about microservices these days. I've been wondering what
+the best way to make a fully end-to-end continuously deployed multi-cloud
+federated global microservices cluster is. Do you have any advice? My product
+team needs this done quickly so we can meet an artificial deadline set by
+someone that doesn't understand the problems we face at
+all.](conversation://Mara/hmm)
+
+[Don't.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
+
+[But based on all the artificial requirements this looks like it's the solution
+to all our needs! We can set up Anthos on GKE to combine our EKS clusters with
+our legacy onprem Kubernetes cluster so that we can have a fully hyperscaled
+coherent user experience across multiple continents!](conversation://Mara/happy)
+
+[Do you like hurting yourself? You are not Google. You do not need to be
+hyperscale. You can probably get away with running this as one big monolith on a
+server you rent from a datacenter. Two servers if you want redundancy, but
+that's most likely not relevant until you get above several tens of thousands of
+daily active users. Single servers can do more than you think. Most of what you
+pay for in a server is idle compute. Use it.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
+
+[But we need to have the ability to horizontally scale to meet the latency
+requirements that marketing made up so that our time to first byte is minimized,
+we need to reap that sweet, sweet SEO optimization so that people can connect
+and live with eachother while having the highest possible quality experience so
+they come back soon.](conversation://Mara/hmm)
+
+[If keeping customers is really your goal, make your product more addictive than
+porn, drugs and TikTok. Either that or make a cult. Those are great ways to
+abuse parts of the human baser instincts to make sure that you can maintain
+users over longer amounts of time.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
+
+[But how do I make the cluster though?](conversation://Mara/hmm)
+
+[Don't.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
+
+[But the SRE team I'm on can take care of the requisite
+setup.](conversation://Mara/wat)
+
+[Lol, no it can't. You will be managing more servers than man has any right to
+care about. You will be subjecting yourself to a torture that the Geneva
+Convention has not banned yet because the sheer philosophical depths of
+depravity have not been fully understood yet. You will become an expert in YAML
+and then find out the truth of how much it will take out of your mortal
+lifespan. You will be fighting people trying to use HTML templating languages to
+create YAML and you will be terrified to find out that this strategy works at
+all. You will burn out so hard that you will never want to touch a computer
+again. <br /><br />Do you really want to do this to yourself? Do you really want
+to subject yourself to a level of misery that will define the rest of your life?
+Do you want to have to explain what the torture nexus of AWS is to therapists?
+Do you want to create this reality? Doing this will do all of those things and
+more.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
+
+MIGROSERBICES
+
+[[Remainder of content expunged by the order of O5-1]]