73 lines
3.2 KiB
Markdown
73 lines
3.2 KiB
Markdown
---
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title: "Hidden Secrets to Making a New Microservices Cluster a Success"
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date: 2022-01-27
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tags:
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- microservices
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- k8s
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- deployment
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- cicd
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- hashtag
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- swag
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- gke
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- eks
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- anthos
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- satire
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---
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[So everyone is talking about microservices these days. I've been wondering what
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the best way to make a fully end-to-end continuously deployed multi-cloud
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federated global microservices cluster is. Do you have any advice? My product
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team needs this done quickly so we can meet an artificial deadline set by
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someone that doesn't understand the problems we face at
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all.](conversation://Mara/hmm)
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[Don't.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
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[But based on all the artificial requirements this looks like it's the solution
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to all our needs! We can set up Anthos on GKE to combine our EKS clusters with
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our legacy onprem Kubernetes cluster so that we can have a fully hyperscaled
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coherent user experience across multiple continents!](conversation://Mara/happy)
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[Do you like hurting yourself? You are not Google. You do not need to be
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hyperscale. You can probably get away with running this as one big monolith on a
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server you rent from a datacenter. Two servers if you want redundancy, but
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that's most likely not relevant until you get above several tens of thousands of
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daily active users. Single servers can do more than you think. Most of what you
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pay for in a server is idle compute. Use it.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
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[But we need to have the ability to horizontally scale to meet the latency
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requirements that marketing made up so that our time to first byte is minimized,
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we need to reap that sweet, sweet SEO optimization so that people can connect
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and live with eachother while having the highest possible quality experience so
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they come back soon.](conversation://Mara/hmm)
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[If keeping customers is really your goal, make your product more addictive than
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porn, drugs and TikTok. Either that or make a cult. Those are great ways to
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abuse parts of the human baser instincts to make sure that you can maintain
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users over longer amounts of time.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
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[But how do I make the cluster though?](conversation://Mara/hmm)
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[Don't.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
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[But the SRE team I'm on can take care of the requisite
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setup.](conversation://Mara/wat)
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[Lol, no it can't. You will be managing more servers than man has any right to
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care about. You will be subjecting yourself to a torture that the Geneva
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Convention has not banned yet because the sheer philosophical depths of
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depravity have not been fully understood yet. You will become an expert in YAML
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and then find out the truth of how much it will take out of your mortal
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lifespan. You will be fighting people trying to use HTML templating languages to
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create YAML and you will be terrified to find out that this strategy works at
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all. You will burn out so hard that you will never want to touch a computer
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again. <br /><br />Do you really want to do this to yourself? Do you really want
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to subject yourself to a level of misery that will define the rest of your life?
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Do you want to have to explain what the torture nexus of AWS is to therapists?
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Do you want to create this reality? Doing this will do all of those things and
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more.](conversation://Cadey/coffee)
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MIGROSERBICES
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[[Remainder of content expunged by the order of O5-1]]
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