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09/14/2013 01:58:00 PM ●
My dear community,
If you don’t know me, you’ve probably at least seen me around. I go by the alias “Pleeb” and I created tulpa.info.
If you’ve read the recent announcement by Shockk, you would know that I’m not around very much anymore. The reasons given in the announcement was as follows:
When I first started tulpa.info, my goal was for our community to provide the best resource on tulpas. There was little-to-no resources out there, and there was no way people to get the help they needed when beginning this journey of creating a tulpa.
While tulpa.info is driven by its users and its community, it’s also driven by funding and hard work. Between hosting fees, SEO, moderating, software, and time spent creating the content, this website has cost a significant amount of money over the past year.
My decision at the time, was to turn down an employment opportunity and make tulpa.info my full time job. I had two credit cards, and I used them to pay for the website fees and food for myself as I attended college and continued with the site.
My idea was that tulpa.info would pay for itself, eventually. Besides, I could always get a job later; and when I do, I would be able to pay back these credit cards.
My family was hit by Hurricane Irene, and my house was flooded. I changed to a school closer to my home and began my journey for a science degree so I could further study psychology and help tulpas in the future.
Sadly, I still couldn’t get a job. I live in one of the smallest – and most densely populated – states in the country. Everyone is looking for a job, and nobody seems to be hiring. I recall a “Open House” and McDonald’s. Hundreds of people showed up – more souls looking for a job than customers. I’d wait four hours for a 30 second interview to find nobody ever called me back and the restaurant having a sign advertising another open house in two weeks. It’s pretty bad.
Meanwhile, my credit cards continued to accumulate, being unable to make the monthly payments.
By late 2012, we were hit by Hurricane Sandy. Two cities in my state were completely under water, but my home suffered minimal damage. Early 2013, I began attending my new university while I continued to hold my involvement in tulpa.info. Sadly, the stresses of the community, and my financial situation, got the better of me.
You can ask the administration, and any moderator on this site. Running this site causes breakdowns.
Almost every administrator and moderator on here has been pushed to, and beyond, their limits, trying to deal with this community. Some of them are stronger than I am, but not all.
For me, I wanted to please everyone in this community. I would listen to every side, and I would throw myself into even some of the most disgruntled channels on IRC to hear their side of things. I would get hate mail, and I would read every one of them and try everything I could to remedy it.
Do you guys remember that situation in early January when I removed the shoutbox? There was one member, LucidAcid; I read this post, and… I lost it. I wrote a large message in the admin board, and it portrays just what frame of mind I was in – it further gives a hint to what happened to another moderator of ours, Phi, who left because he couldn’t take the stress. This member also had a significant breakdown, to the point where the stress of the community was ruining his life. He had to leave.
Before I catch myself ranting (I have had enough rants and freakouts), I’ll summarize. To make a long story short, I ended up failing two of my classes that semester solely because of the stress I was dealing with in the community. The result of that, was that I was unable to continue with my science degree.
Now I’m biding my time. I’m still looking for a full time job, and I’m trying to salvage what’s left of my degree. I’m looking at mint.com and shaking my head as it reports the cold truth that I’m almost $5,000 in debt with my credit cards.
I could argue that this community has ruined my life, but I wouldn’t say ruined… Just changed. I don’t regret the choices I made. And, aside from turning down the job, I would have made the same ones again if given the chance.
I know of several people who would be dead right now if I never made these choices. And I know of many more who wouldn’t even exist. I know of many people, some of them good friends of mine, who would have never been able to experience having a life. There are so many tulpas and hosts alike whose lives have been made better simply because this site was created.
I met a lot of really nice people, and if not for this community, I would have never met my girlfriend, who’s been supportive of not only tulpa stuffs, but she’s been there for me even in my darkest hours. We’re going three months so far, but I’ve known her for much longer then that.
As for my role in the community now, I’m not sure. Tulpa.info is now paid in full for the next two years, you don’t have to worry about it going anywhere, and I believe Shockk and Chupi are certainly capable of running the site. While I idle in IRC, I don’t actually go there. I eventually respond to PMs but I’m usually too busy with my life. It’s still quite chaotic, and I don’t see myself in a position to interact with the community directly anymore. I just don’t have the time or mental resources to do so.
A thank you to everyone who listened to my rambling in #tulpa_subc, everyone who’s given me their constructive criticism and everyone who’s been able to help with this site. I’m not sure what else to say, so I’ll say goodbye.
I’m still in the shadows, so if you want to reach out to me, I’m not that hard to find.
Regards,
Pleeb.
P.S. This is my personal post; it’s not official.