133 lines
6.1 KiB
Markdown
133 lines
6.1 KiB
Markdown
## Last Update...
|
||
|
||
<span class="date">09/14/2013 01:58:00 PM</span>
|
||
[●](http://blog.tulpa.info/post/61236952832)
|
||
|
||
My dear community,
|
||
|
||
If you don’t know me, you’ve probably at least seen me around. I go by
|
||
the alias “Pleeb” and I created tulpa.info.
|
||
|
||
If you’ve read the recent announcement by Shockk, you would know that
|
||
I’m not around very much anymore. The reasons given in the
|
||
announcement was as follows:
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
When I first started tulpa.info, my goal was for our community to
|
||
provide the best resource on tulpas. There was little-to-no resources
|
||
out there, and there was no way people to get the help they needed when
|
||
beginning this journey of creating a tulpa.
|
||
|
||
While tulpa.info is driven by its users and its community, it’s also
|
||
driven by funding and hard work. Between hosting fees, SEO, moderating,
|
||
software, and time spent creating the content, this website has cost a
|
||
significant amount of money over the past year.
|
||
|
||
My decision at the time, was to turn down an employment opportunity and
|
||
make tulpa.info my full time job. I had two credit cards, and I used
|
||
them to pay for the website fees and food for myself as I attended
|
||
college and continued with the site.
|
||
|
||
My idea was that tulpa.info would pay for itself, eventually. Besides, I
|
||
could always get a job later; and when I do, I would be able to pay back
|
||
these credit cards.
|
||
|
||
My family was hit by Hurricane Irene, and my house was flooded. I
|
||
changed to a school closer to my home and began my journey for a science
|
||
degree so I could further study psychology and help tulpas in the
|
||
future.
|
||
|
||
Sadly, I still couldn’t get a job. I live in one of the smallest – and
|
||
most densely populated – states in the country. Everyone is looking for
|
||
a job, and nobody seems to be hiring. I recall a “Open House” and
|
||
McDonald’s. Hundreds of people showed up – more souls looking for a job
|
||
than customers. I’d wait four hours for a 30 second interview to find
|
||
nobody ever called me back and the restaurant having a sign advertising
|
||
another open house in two weeks. It’s pretty bad.
|
||
|
||
Meanwhile, my credit cards continued to accumulate, being unable to make
|
||
the monthly payments.
|
||
|
||
By late 2012, we were hit by Hurricane Sandy. Two cities in my state
|
||
were completely under water, but my home suffered minimal damage. Early
|
||
2013, I began attending my new university while I continued to hold my
|
||
involvement in tulpa.info. Sadly, the stresses of the community, and my
|
||
financial situation, got the better of me.
|
||
|
||
You can ask the administration, and any moderator on this site. Running
|
||
this site causes breakdowns.
|
||
|
||
Almost every administrator and moderator on here has been pushed to, and
|
||
beyond, their limits, trying to deal with this community. Some of them
|
||
are stronger than I am, but not all.
|
||
|
||
For me, I wanted to please everyone in this community. I would listen to
|
||
every side, and I would throw myself into even some of the most
|
||
disgruntled channels on IRC to hear their side of things. I would get
|
||
hate mail, and I would read every one of them and try everything I could
|
||
to remedy it.
|
||
|
||
Do you guys remember that situation in early January when I removed the
|
||
shoutbox? There was one member, LucidAcid; I read [this
|
||
post](http://community.tulpa.info/thread-split-removing-the-shout-box?pid=53398#pid53398),
|
||
and… I lost it. I wrote a [large message in the admin
|
||
board](http://i.imgur.com/nTzghrR.jpg), and it portrays just what frame
|
||
of mind I was in – it further gives a hint to what happened to another
|
||
moderator of ours, Phi, who left because he couldn’t take the stress.
|
||
This member also had a significant breakdown, to the point where the
|
||
stress of the community was ruining his life. He had to leave.
|
||
|
||
Before I catch myself ranting (I have had enough [rants and
|
||
freakouts](http://community.tulpa.info/thread-split-deleted-posts-and-spam?pid=61384#pid61384)),
|
||
I’ll summarize. To make a long story short, I ended up failing two of my
|
||
classes that semester solely because of the stress I was dealing with in
|
||
the community. The result of that, was that I was unable to continue
|
||
with my science degree.
|
||
|
||
Now I’m biding my time. I’m still looking for a full time job, and I’m
|
||
trying to salvage what’s left of my degree. I’m looking at mint.com and
|
||
shaking my head as it reports the cold truth that I’m almost $5,000 in
|
||
debt with my credit cards.
|
||
|
||
I could argue that this community has ruined my life, but I wouldn’t say
|
||
ruined… Just changed. I don’t regret the choices I made. And, aside from
|
||
turning down the job, I would have made the same ones again if given the
|
||
chance.
|
||
|
||
I know of several people who would be dead right now if I never made
|
||
these choices. And I know of many more who wouldn’t even exist. I know
|
||
of many people, some of them good friends of mine, who would have never
|
||
been able to experience having a life. There are so many tulpas and
|
||
hosts alike whose lives have been made better simply because this site
|
||
was created.
|
||
|
||
I met a lot of really nice people, and if not for this community, I
|
||
would have never met my girlfriend, who’s been supportive of not only
|
||
tulpa stuffs, but she’s been there for me even in my darkest hours.
|
||
We’re going three months so far, but I’ve known her for much longer
|
||
then that.
|
||
|
||
As for my role in the community now, I’m not sure. Tulpa.info is now
|
||
paid in full for the next two years, you don’t have to worry about it
|
||
going anywhere, and I believe Shockk and Chupi are certainly capable of
|
||
running the site. While I idle in IRC, I don’t actually go there. I
|
||
eventually respond to PMs but I’m usually too busy with my life. It’s
|
||
still quite chaotic, and I don’t see myself in a position to interact
|
||
with the community directly anymore. I just don’t have the time or
|
||
mental resources to do so.
|
||
|
||
A thank you to everyone who listened to my rambling in \#tulpa\_subc,
|
||
everyone who’s given me their constructive criticism and everyone who’s
|
||
been able to help with this site. I’m not sure what else to say, so I’ll
|
||
say goodbye.
|
||
|
||
I’m still in the shadows, so if you want to reach out to me, I’m not
|
||
that hard to find.
|
||
|
||
Regards,
|
||
|
||
Pleeb.
|
||
|
||
P.S. This is my personal post; it’s not official.
|