77 lines
4.8 KiB
Markdown
77 lines
4.8 KiB
Markdown
## The Guide of Pleeb
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Thirty days after the website tulpa.info is released to the public via the
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completely unbiased word of Fox News, a mass virtual bombing run is carried
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out. The rain of hell and fire leaves the website in a post-nuclear
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apocalypse. The disembodied limbs of the countless newfags are scattered
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amidst the ashes as the older members survive the nuclear fallout and internet
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faggotry with a shrug of their veteran shoulders. Pleeb leaves the remains of
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tulpa.info and travels on foot toward the heart of the internet. Along the way,
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he demonstrates uncanny survival and fighting skills, hunting trolls and
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swiftly defeating Kadoh and his tulpas who try to ambush him – leaving Kadoh
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missing one of his hands. Searching for a source of water, he arrives in
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a ramshackle town built and overseen by Irish. Irish dreams of building more
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towns from the remains of tulpa.info’s members and controlling the people’s
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forcing methods by using the power of a certain guide. His henchmen scour the
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desolate landscape daily in search of it, but to no avail.
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In the local town bar, Pleeb is set upon by a gang of trolls and he kills them
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all. Realizing Pleeb is a veteran like himself, Irish asks Pleeb to stay,
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although it is made clear the offer is non-negotiable. After Irish's servant
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Tesseract gives Pleeb some food and water, Irish orders another one of his
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servants, Chess, to seduce Pleeb. Pleeb turns her down after a moment of
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pondering the offer, but she discovers he has a guide in his possession. Pleeb
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offers to share his food with her, but first shares some of the ancient and
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seemingly outdated wisdom from his guide. The following day, Chess talks with
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Tesseract. Irish overhears them and realizes Chess's words may relate to the
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very guide he has been seeking. He forces Chess to tell him Pleeb was reading
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an old guide. When he asks what kind, she says it has to do with hour counts
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and not using wonderlands. Irish realizes Pleeb has a copy of FAQ\_Man’s guide,
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the ancient guide he wants. Pleeb sneaks out of his room and goes to the store
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across the street, where he had earlier given the engineer, ThatOtherGuy, his
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ipod to recharge the battery.
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Irish has his henchmen shoot at Pleeb, but the bullets seemingly just graze
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him, as if he is being protected. Pleeb shoots most of Irish's men and hits
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Irish in the leg with a shotgun blast. Chess leads Pleeb to the town's water
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supply, hoping she can accompany him on his adventures. Pleeb traps her inside
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the caves and continues on alone. Chess escapes and soon finds herself ambushed
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by two bandits who attempt to rape her, but Pleeb appears and kills them – saving
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Chess’s life.
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As they continue on, Pleeb explains to Chess his mission. According to Pleeb,
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his guide is the last remaining copy of FAQ\_Man’s guide, as all other copies
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were intentionally destroyed following the website’s holocaust. He says he had
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made up his mind to protect the old and outdated guide, which then led him to
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travel deep into the interwebs to a place where it should be safe. Thus, for
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the last untold amount of time he has been traveling west, guided by this
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belief.
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Eventually, Pleeb and Chess investigate an isolated house. They fall into
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a hidden pit but manage to allay the suspicions of the residents, Fede and
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Sands, who invite them in for tea and crackers. When Pleeb realizes the couple
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are fags, he and Chess attempt to leave, but then Irish and his crew arrive. In
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the ensuing shootout, Fede, Sands and some of Irish's men are killed. Pleeb and
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Chess are captured. When Irish threatens to kill Chess, Pleeb gives him the
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guide. Irish shoots him and leaves him for dead.
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Chess escapes and drives back to help Pleeb. Rather than chase her, Irish
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returns to the town since his sole remaining vehicle is running low on fuel.
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Chess picks up Pleeb further down the internet. They drive until they reach
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a 4Chan archive, where they find a group intent on saving what they can of
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tulpa.info’s guides and community. Pleeb tells the guards that he has a copy of
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the FAQ\_Man guide. Once inside, Pleeb begins to dictate the guide from memory
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to Amadeus, the group's leader.
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Meanwhile, back in the town, Irish finds out that the guide is a Microsoft Word
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Document. Irish only has Microsoft Paint, and an outdated version of Word 1997
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that cannot read the newer file. Irish's leg wound has become infected, and he
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realizes he is going to die. Order breaks down, and the residents start looting
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the town.
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Pleeb dies, but not before he has finished reciting the guide. The printing
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press at the 4Chan archive begins making copies of the old and golden guide.
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Amadeus places one on a bookshelf between Lunanite’s guide and Sock’s on one
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side, and Purlox and Bluesleeve’s on the other. Chess is offered sanctuary, but
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she chooses to head back home, taking with her Pleeb's possessions.
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